Photo of Golden Retriever dog playing in the creek.

Top 51 Reasons Dogs are better than Kids

by Kris Phillips
  1. They never get old enough to understand the words that you spell. “Let’s go to the P-A-R-K and get a T-R-E-A-T after the V-E-T”
  2. Obedience school is way cheaper than College.Reason No. 3 Dogs are better than kids
  3. Playing in the park with an adorable dog will actually ATTRACT a hot date.
  4. When they’re getting on your last nerve you can just put them in their kennel.
  5. You can call them silly names and never have to pay for therapy.
  6. You don’t get dirty looks for putting your dog on a leash.
  7. No one bats an eye when your fur-baby eats goose shit.
  8. You never have to have that awkward “don’t do that in public” conversation.
  9. When you need a romantic evening out there’s no need to hire a babysitter.
  10. They never tell your relatives how much wine you drink.
  11. Muddy paw prints are easier to clean off the wall than markers.
  12. You can’t get baby puke off with a lint roller.
  13. Its totally ok when the dog eats food off the floor.
  14. Don’t have to wash your dogs poop bags.
  15. Diapers are expensive.
  16. When your dog squats on the lawn…no one cares ( as long as you pick it up)…when your baby squats anywhere but the bathroom people freak out.
  17. Doggie temper-tantrums are HILARIOUS-just ask YouTube.
  18. People thinks it cute when your husky howls for a new toy…people give you dirty looks when your 2 yrs old screams because he didn’t get the toy he wanted.
  19. Your puppy is happy to take a nap… No bribing needed.
  20. Your puppy doesn’t know if the his birthday party is a few days late.
  21. Ever get on a plane and sit down next to a dog? Ever sit down next to a baby? ‘Nuff said.
  22. No need to spend $800 on the latest phone that they’ll be bored with in 5 minutes.Reason No. 23 Dogs are better than kids
  23. A .99 cent tennis ball, old knotted rope, or free stick will keep ’em entertained for hours.
  24. You’re never the jerk who forgot to buy batteries for the Christmas presents.
  25. Potty training your puppy only takes a few weeks, and sometimes they come pre-trained. 
  26. You never have to worry about them participating in the latest internet stupidity – Tide Pod challenge-I’m looking at you.
  27. Post a video of your dog talking back and you’re guaranteed lots of lolz. Post a video of your kid talking back- unsolicited parenting advice from every other person on the planet.
  28. If your get dogs excited enough they will eat LETERALLY anything you throw at them.
  29. You never have to pick food up off the floor- it disappears within seconds.
  30. Adopting a dog takes half a day and a couple hundred $$.
  31. Dogs don’t mind hand-me-downs. Swota had a huge box of toys she couldn’t care less about. When we brought Floki home- he loved them ALL!
  32. If they’re embarrassed by you, you’d never know.
  33. Your dog will never judge your life choices.
  34. They will never scream “I hate you!!” and slam the door because the German Shepherd down the street was having an unchaperoned party and you said “no”.
  35. Doggie birth control is a one time expense and there’s no need for “the talk”.
  36. On long car rides you wont hear “are we there yet, I’m bored, he’s touching me!”
  37. The dog wont threaten to bail out of the car when you jam out to your favorite 90’s Rock ballad.
  38. No need for fancy video screens in your back seat, your pup is thrilled to stare out the window at the passing scenery.
  39. Your dog is all to happy to help out with chores like cleaning the litter box or “pre-rinsing” the dishes.
  40. You never have to fight over the remote.
  41. You can watch “grown-up” shows any time you want.
  42. You don’t have to watch Disney movies on an endless, mind-numbing loop.
  43. You never have to feel dumb trying to remember stuff you haven’t used since grade-school so you can help them with homework.Reason No. 45 Dogs are better than kids
  44. Your dog will never look better in your favorite pair of jeans.
  45. If you do dress them up- you get to pick whatever adorable outfit you want them to wear.
  46. If you move cross-country for a new job your dog thinks this a an awesome car ride ending in cool new stuff to smell, not the end of life as we know it.
  47. Your dog can be ready to leave the house in 4 seconds flat- have leash will travel.
  48. When the dog barges into the bedroom you don’t have to make up an awkward story about mommy & daddy wrestling to see who gets to pick the movie.
  49. Your dog will never trap you in the endless loop of “but why?”
  50. Dogs don’t mind when you hug and kiss them in front of their friends.Reason No. 50 Dogs are better than kids
  1. Even when they’re teenagers they still think you’re the best person EVER!

Tell me why you’d rather have a dog…

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